Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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