I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
