i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
there is glitter all over my balls
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
