There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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