i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
