I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize