So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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