hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
