So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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