OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
