she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
