Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
