marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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