Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize