I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
