How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
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