i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
