just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize