i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
