question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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