you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
