What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
