You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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