this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
