I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Sober January is a disaster.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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