I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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