i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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