I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
