im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She's the barista slut.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
