You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I think weed is turning my hair brown
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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