Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
My ATM looks so different sober.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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