She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
