I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize