1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
