i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
