im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize