you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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