Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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