He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
