Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
