I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
The beer is more important than you right now.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
