hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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