Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
