He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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