Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
