yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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