I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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