Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
