I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
