I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
