I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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