i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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