i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
