idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
