get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Randomize
