i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
