I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
