ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
