Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
