is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
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