I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize