Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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