If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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