he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
