Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
