Me too!
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Barsexuality is the new black.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
