I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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