Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
