His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
