Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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