atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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